Making Work

Jacquelyn O'Brien 7/20/13 3:46pm

This is the fourth week at my residency, and things are still going really well for me in the great state of Missouri. Recently, I have been building clay pinch pots for an installation that I am working on; I have forced myself to make 12-15 a day so that I can stay on task! Also, I turned a corner of my studio into a photography studio! Yes, a couple of clip lights, a 2x4 and a white corner has become the new place I can photograph my work! What is really neat to me is that I still get semi-professional photos of my work for the website but I don’t have to fork out $500 to do it.

A dog (who I’ve named Beau) was dumped onto the farm on Saturday by someone. It has really enriched me, having this amazing animal be so kind and loving towards me, even though he has been through so much. Beau and I have bonded but I’m looking for a forever home for him!

And two of the of the other artists in residency and I went to the Belle Fair and saw a real demolition derby! It was crazy!

I have had glorious momentum the last few days, especially on Thursday, and have been putting a lot of time and energy into the studio. This has been so emotionally fruitful; I am really beginning to delve into myself to discover what my connection with my work is. One theme I have aggressively pursued in the last week has been my struggle with the societal pressure of motherhood to young women.

*Journal Excerpt*:

"I am fighting with what my body was made for, a womb, a fertile place that has the power to give life and the world its beauty...I would move mountains for my own flesh, for my beautiful child, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a mother. At times, I feel like there is something inside of me that is broken. Why wouldn't I want to be this source of joyful innocence? Why can’t I look into the eyes of my own creation and feel joy instead of resentment? I am woman, the only thing that can create from nothing and give birth to newness and hope. I see its singular special beauty. But, I have nothing in my real true heart for it. My world, my society tells me I’m selfish, that I will one day recognize my mistake and change my mind. I am abhorred for my mother-less womb. My mother fears me and my society is confused by me. It separates me, it isolates me. In a way I have chosen this identity because I know that it will isolate me from many. Not on a cordial, superficial level, but on a deeper intrinsic one; one that people use to seek out their others. To become mother would be isolating me from myself. I would be fearing my own heart, leaving my own autonomy far behind and becoming what is expected. I recognize the beauty of what my body has inside it, the natural potential bestowed upon me by nature, but I reject it. Not with animosity, but with fervor. I cannot be that woman, I am not her and I was not built only for motherhood..." -jmo I share this because I believe it and because the work I make is changing. It is becoming so much more personal and intimate.

I look forward to my next two weeks here, I feel as though they will be beautiful and eye opening.

Until the next time,

Make good chocies.

-Jacquie OB